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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:23 pm 
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I feel like my family of five is using waaayyyy too much tp. I’m buying at least 12 rolls a week. Anyone else having this problem? Feel like I need to have a training session with the kids and probably need to give my wife a limit.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:24 pm 
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I don’t think you want to be that guy


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:28 pm 
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Install a bidet. Stop living like a goddamn caveman.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:30 pm 
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Wait, hold up. Just read the OP. 12 rolls a fucking week?

Dude that's fucking insane. I'm trying hard not to judge, but seriously that is fucking crazy.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:32 pm 
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That's a lot. If you have a septic it's going to be even worse. I have some ideas. Where does your toilet paper reside? On the wall? Back of toilet? Etc...

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:33 pm 
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Implement a 4 sheet limit per movement


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:34 pm 
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You’re kids are using lots of TP to wrap up contraband and flush it

Cig butts, joints, used condemns etc

Or they’re doing something else sketchy with it


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:36 pm 
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lifepulse wrote:
You’re kids are using lots of TP to wrap up contraband and flush it

Cig butts, joints, used condemns etc

Or they’re doing something else sketchy with it

5,10 and 12. Hopefully they’re not into sex and cigs just yet.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:36 pm 
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jakqlin wrote:
That's a lot. If you have a septic it's going to be even worse. I have some ideas. Where does your toilet paper reside? On the wall? Back of toilet? Etc...

I put it where every other American puts it. On the back of the toilet.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:38 pm 
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jl55378008 wrote:
Install a bidet. Stop living like a goddamn caveman.


This all day. I'm being serious when I say no purchase has changed my life more

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:42 pm 
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I might not know much, but I do know some things.

I haven't bought TP since September 2016, and that's the truth.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:43 pm 
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Thats a lotta fuckin tp bro.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:44 pm 
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recently saw my fiance rip off tp to wipe and my jaw hit the floor. she used at least four or five full rotations on a decently full roll and just wadded it up and had one go with it.

i rip off two squares and fold them and get 2-3 wipes out of it depending.

i have colitis and i probably use less TP than her.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:45 pm 
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Maybe Come out of the bathroom one morning and be like "where the fucking is all the paper?!"

I know a dude who would roll the paper around his hand like 10 times.

He'd use like a roll every two days.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:49 pm 
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Merlyn wrote:

i rip off two squares and fold them and get 2-3 wipes out of it depending.


Image

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 1:04 am 
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pappasmurf wrote:
lifepulse wrote:
You’re kids are using lots of TP to wrap up contraband and flush it

Cig butts, joints, used condemns etc

Or they’re doing something else sketchy with it

5,10 and 12. Hopefully they’re not into sex and cigs just yet.


That fuck up his septic tank, much bigger problem than a few extra $ on tp


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:48 am 
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Merlyn wrote:
recently saw my fiance rip off tp to wipe and my jaw hit the floor. she used at least four or five full rotations on a decently full roll and just wadded it up and had one go with it.

i rip off two squares and fold them and get 2-3 wipes out of it depending.

i have colitis and i probably use less TP than her.


I feel like all women do this. My wife certainly does.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:51 am 
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I do not do that.

Who was that dude that talked about the Family Cloth? I know he was bannned recently for making fun of people here, but his answer to this issue was nasty.

I don’t have any advice for ya. Except maybe buy flushable wet wipes? They only come out one at a time, and they are thicker so they would all feel “clean” with less?
Maybe buy thicker TP?

He’ll, ask them what the deal is and come up with a solution together.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:56 am 
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One wipe for the bulk and jump in the shower when I can is my technique.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 9:43 am 
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Shudder


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 9:52 am 
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browntrout wrote:
One wipe for the bulk and jump in the shower when I can is my technique.

Do you not wash your body in the bathtub? I assume you must have one toilet for your body, and another that you use for waffle-stomping.

Why would you flush out your shitty ass all over the tub that you bathe in? Get a fucking bidet, dude. Get the refreshing cleanliness of a cool water bath without having to spray dingleberries all over your bathtub. Keep your shit in the toilet, where it belongs.

Jesus. I catch a lot of grief around here for being stupid but I'm telling you, I figured this one out years ago.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 9:57 am 
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You don’t think poo comes off of you when you shower?

A couple things.

1. If you got poo anywhere else on your body, heck even anywhere in your house. Would you wipe it with a dry piece of paper and call it clean?
All of you are walking around with poo on you.

2. You wipe once for the bulk. The shower just gets the film off. One good wipe to get all the bulk and nuggets out. Then a good shower with soap to wash the rest out. The water is going down the drain. There is no waffle stomp. It’s just dirty water and soap. The same as every time you Shower.

3. When I have my forever house I will have a bidet installed.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:02 am 
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You can install one in five minutes and have it done by Friday for $35.

Come on, man. I have a rep around here for being a helpless moron when it comes to basic shit, and even I managed to do this without fucking it up.

https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DCh ... IJg&adurl=


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:04 am 
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I’m not installing that weird thing on my commode. I am going to have a separate bidet. How weird would it be if you came to my house and saw that?

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:09 am 
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browntrout wrote:
I’m not installing that weird thing on my commode. I am going to have a separate bidet. How weird would it be if you came to my house and saw that?

More or less weird than seeing a stand-alone bidet in someone's house?

If you're worried about being judged, put it in the master bath. That's where mine is. The only person who uses that one other than me is my gf and she's never mentioned it.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:12 am 
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I've convinced at least 5-6 of my friends to put one of these in their bathrooms, and every single one of them has become an evangelist. Aside from earplugs for live music, it's probably the life-improvement product that I recommend the most.

And in both cases, everyone who has ever taken my advice has told me how right I am.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:22 am 
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jl55378008 wrote:
You can install one in five minutes and have it done by Friday for $35.

Come on, man. I have a rep around here for being a helpless moron when it comes to basic shit, and even I managed to do this without fucking it up.

https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DCh ... IJg&adurl=


I feel like that gadget is less sanitary then having residual shit on your asshole. I’m picturing splash back, explosive bathroom issue getting the shit everywhere, literally. I don’t know. I think standalone would be the way to go. I’m with trout on this one.

Cleaning toilets already sucks. Now you have to clean all up and around that gadget is well.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:22 am 
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jl55378008 wrote:
You can install one in five minutes and have it done by Friday for $35.

Come on, man. I have a rep around here for being a helpless moron when it comes to basic shit, and even I managed to do this without fucking it up.

https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DCh ... IJg&adurl=


Wise man

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:24 am 
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feenom wrote:
jl55378008 wrote:
You can install one in five minutes and have it done by Friday for $35.

Come on, man. I have a rep around here for being a helpless moron when it comes to basic shit, and even I managed to do this without fucking it up.

https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DCh ... IJg&adurl=


I feel like that gadget is less sanitary then having residual shit on your asshole. I’m picturing splash back, explosive bathroom issue getting the shit everywhere, literally. I don’t know. I think standalone would be the way to go. I’m with trout on this one.

Cleaning toilets already sucks. Now you have to clean all up and around that gadget is well.


Science disagrees. It's more sanitary.

Most have self cleaning nozzles. All I do is spray it every once and awhile with bathroom cleaner

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:26 am 
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Gotchoo. I have never used one or seen one so I was strictly basing my opinion on my imagination.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:29 am 
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feenom wrote:
I feel like that gadget is less sanitary then having residual shit on your asshole. I’m picturing splash back, explosive bathroom issue getting the shit everywhere, literally. I don’t know. I think standalone would be the way to go. I’m with trout on this one.

If you want to go walking around with dingleberries rubbing between your cheeks, be my guest. My backside is spic-and-span. And, to the original point of this thread, my TP budget is pretty much $0.

I can only open the door for you. I can't make you walk through it.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:35 am 
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:lol:
Ty.
I don’t have that problem, but then again, I’m perfect. So there’s that.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:47 am 
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Residual shit on your asshole made me lol.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 10:48 am 
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One bulk wipe isn’t doing it for me.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:04 am 
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One bulk wipe isn’t doing it for me.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:06 am 
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However, simultaneous, sixteen-minutes-apart replies to this thread seem to be doing the trick.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:07 am 
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we use a family cloth. cuts down on cost.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:08 am 
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Yessssss. I’m glad someone else remembered as well


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:10 am 
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I'm usually a 2-3 wipe guy. However, when the occasional hemorrhoid flares up, I'll occasionally get the poo that wouldn't die, where a nug nests itself sufficiently behind it instead of just jettisoning with the rest of the outtake. The problem of course is after about 4 more passes, it decides to dislodge itself...forcing me to sit back down just to verify there aren't any other stragglers.

Yeah. Good times being 47 y/o.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:12 am 
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It took a long time to go through 12 rolls of toilet paper around here and then I got a girlfriend. I think she is making effigies of people she hates and then flushing them in some vodou ceremony because our usage is off the chain these days.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:15 am 
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feenom wrote:
Yessssss. I’m glad someone else remembered as well


:twisted:


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:18 am 
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pappasmurf wrote:
lifepulse wrote:
You’re kids are using lots of TP to wrap up contraband and flush it

Cig butts, joints, used condemns etc

Or they’re doing something else sketchy with it

5,10 and 12. Hopefully they’re not into sex and cigs just yet.


Squares


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:26 am 
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jl55378008 wrote:
You can install one in five minutes and have it done by Friday for $35.

Come on, man. I have a rep around here for being a helpless moron when it comes to basic shit, and even I managed to do this without fucking it up.

https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DCh ... IJg&adurl=


I have a few questions after watching a video of it on amazon.

Holy shit, the jet spray. Does it hurt?

Second, how do you know if you're done?

Third, I assume your ass and balls get pretty wet. What do you dry off with?


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:44 am 
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paperclip wrote:
jl55378008 wrote:
You can install one in five minutes and have it done by Friday for $35.

Come on, man. I have a rep around here for being a helpless moron when it comes to basic shit, and even I managed to do this without fucking it up.

https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DCh ... IJg&adurl=


I have a few questions after watching a video of it on amazon.

Holy shit, the jet spray. Does it hurt?

Second, how do you know if you're done?

Third, I assume your ass and balls get pretty wet. What do you dry off with?

1) It doesn't hurt, no. It feels good. I will say this, though: it has a hair trigger. It goes from zero to firehose pretty much instantly if the "downwash" knob isn't cranked up. The downwash nozzle sprays down into the water, so it relieves some of the water pressure. Keep it turned up and you won't have issues.

2) You don't really "know" when you're done, I guess. Just let it spray for a bit and then give it a pat-down with TP. I usually give it 10-15 seconds to spray, then drip-dry for a minute before I dry off. 95% of the time, that's enough. Occasionally I go back for a second spritz just to be sure.

3) The spray is a pretty tight stream straight at your b-hole. It doesn't splash much, if at all. If it does, just pat it with a little TP or your family towel.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 11:45 am 
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An added bonus is coming in from a hot day of working outside and blasting the swamp-ass away. It's great.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:02 pm 
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thanks, dude.

i was confused by your 0 TP budget analysis.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:16 pm 
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paperclip wrote:
thanks, dude.

i was confused by your 0 TP budget analysis.

I said earlier that I haven't bought TP since September of 2016. I remember because I had a friend staying with me and needed it for the front bathroom.

I just checked. It's a 15-pack of Scott 1000-sheet TP, and there are three rolls left.


Last edited by jl55378008 on Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:20 pm 
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wipe until you see blood


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:35 pm 
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Don't forget to factor in fapping usage.

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wooten123 wrote:

you don't know shit about me.

only what you think you know.

if you came at me I could kill you within 3 seconds with no weapon.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:36 pm 
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maze_or_bowie wrote:
Don't forget to factor in fapping usage.

I don't fap into TP. That's a waste of valuable resources.


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